Friday, January 8, 2010

Not-So-Practical Jokes

Alright, haven't been on here for a while, first things first- I got cast as a lead in Grease. Marty Maraschino! The Pink Lady who has 17 boyfriends and hits on pedophile announcers. SCHWEET.
Back to the subject at hand. These are just 3 of the cruel jokes I've always wanted to do, but have never had the guts to actually do them:

1. Gift certificates make a great gift for any occassion... holidays, birthdays, for that special someone... and the ones you hate! All you need to do is buy a $20 gift certificate, then spend 3/4th of it on yourself! :D Imagine the look on that person's face when they cart a dozen food items over to the register, hand over the certificate thinking that they have $20, and find out they only have $5. It'd be especially great if they relied only on the certificate and didn't bring any money, so they'd have to mortifyingly put all the items back.
Don't you hate it when that happens to you? Haha.
But chances are, most people wouldn't appreciate this gift, so I wouldn't take those chances.

2. The idea for this one goes out to Mandy. We were talking about, uh, thongs (Don't ask!) and she told me this one thing she read. A guy walking down a crowded school hallway shouted "Hey, girl with the thong!" and half the girls turned around. Lmao. I'd also love to have someone filming beside me, just to catch who looks down at their butt to check if it's sticking out. Then again, some people might turn around just to see who is making such an obscene comment, and this would all be at the expense of my dignity.
...Not that I have much to begin with.

3. I've always thought that men who propose to their girlfriends on April Fools' Day were such douchebags. If their girlfriend says yes, then they'd celebrate their almostiversary on April Fools' Day. If the girlfriend says no, he just says "April Fools!" and goes on with a hurt ego. Shows how insecure guys can be. However, I think if any of you have suspicions about whether a certain girl or guy likes you back, you should most definately ask them out on April Fools' Day. "Going out" with someone is a lot different than getting married- If you start dating on April Fools, that's cute, if you get proposed to on April Fools, that's a little weird.

If any of you ever take my horrible encouragements and do one of these, give me a call. I'd like to know how it worked out for you, even if it is for my own personal entertainment. >:) Thanks to Mandy for idea number 2. And as foreshadowing for next time, we'll be discussing some amazing(ly stupid) websites that you really must visit.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Grease is the Blurb

For those of you who don't know...
Blurb: Short publicity notice

"Grease is the Blurb" sounds better than "Grease is the Word". I bring this up because our school play will be Grease, which I am stoked for.
That is, if I get in. And depending on which role I'm cast as.
Like more people than not who audition, I'm shooting for a big role- Sandy, Rizzo, Frenchie. And if I get a small role, I will not be fine with it, but I'm going to cope and pretend I am.
It's just that the people who get leads are always treated differently. Not intentionally, but directors and the rest of the cast just have to. More one on one attention, and recognition from the audience. They also have more line memorizing/singing/everything to do, but that's all part of the fun.
I'm keeping my expectations low, but to tell you the truth, my audition went great! I didn't mess up on any lines and my voice never cracked, so there's really no reason to fret. Here's my monologue:

I hate it when they say, “Act your age”. What does that mean, anyhow? I mean… how do you act an age? Like, for example, how would you act different at eighteen than you would at seventeen? There’s like, this huge difference in you over 12 months? You’re all of a sudden this different person? Puhleeze! Besides, it’s all a bunch of adult garbage anyway. What they really mean is, “I don’t understand where you’re coming from so please do as I tell you so I won’t have to think about it.”
Why doesn’t acting your age apply to adults? When my dad, who weighs over two-fifty on a good day, goes out and buys a yellow Miata, nobody said “Act your age”. You know what they said? They all said “You’re as young as you feel.” The fact that he looks like a bear in a hot dog bun never enters their minds because he’s as young as he feels. If I, on the other hand, were to go out and get a tattoo, they would say “Act your age”. Go figure.
I think the next time my mom spends a fortune on plastic figurines from Home Shopping, or tries to squeeze her buns into a size-five mini, or cries over one of her soaps, I’ll tell her, “Act YOUR age.”

And here is my song, "10 Minutes Ago" from Cinderella:

3:00-3:40 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_BIliG3ew0

Callbacks on thursdays, results hopefully posted by friday. So now that the dice has been rolled, there's nothing to do except wait for the results. Unlike most snailosauri, I hate going slow and I'M BLOODY IMPATIENT! Which reminds me of a joke Mrs. Henry, my old math teacher, told our class:

One day a man goes out to buy a pet snail. He enters it into a snail car race, and his snail is assigned the letter "s". The night before, he paints "s" onto the snail's shell. The next day, the race begins, but his snail won't budge, so the man shouts "S CAR GO!" (Escargot)

Good times indeed. Thank you, Mrs. Henry, for brightening our days. My next blog, which you surely anticipate, will be about cruel yet wonderful practical joke ideas.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Snailosaurus Mating Calls

Reproduction is a part of life, and Snailosauri must do it too.
This doesn't mean constantly getting snails and brontosaurus' to impregnate each other, it means... SNAILOSAURUS MATING CALLS! :D
A snailosaurus at its most relaxed state will emit a "krrrrr", similar to the purr of a cat. However, when aroused, snailosauri will say "RAWR".

Cat rawr: Angry cat.
Average person rawr: Angry human.
German rawr: Considered an extremely sexual noise in Germany. (Although I'm not entirely sure if that's true. Read it off the internet, ask a german... Like Alena)
Snailosaurus rawr: I love you!

The more "rrr"s that the snailosaurus adds to either end of the word, the more attracted to the other snailosaurus they are.
However, it is always the male snailosaurus' job to say "RRRRAWRRRR". The female may say it, but the male should always approach the female the first time. It's weird if a girl asks a guy out to dinner... Then who's gonna foot the bill, especially if the guy has to unwillingly accept AND pay? This unspoken law applies to both snailosauri and humans, so ladies, if you like the guy, make it subtle until you know your love is not unrequited. Then lose the subtleness, and wait for him to rawr.
Female snailosauri have different ways of mate calling, but you know she rawrs you when...

-She stalks you like a lioness stalking her antelope. You might not know it, but she does.
-She either gets really quiet or really hyper when she's around you, or both at seperate times. Depends on the person.
-Physical flirting includes blushing, flitting eye contact, or mirroring.
-She's as nervous as a snail that's about to be made into escargot. This is an explanation for a lot of her behaviour.
-She goes out an extra mile to show she cares, even if it's just small things that seem insignificant. Like compliments. Make sure it is clear that these are appreciated, or she'll stop doing them.
-She makes dagger eyes at your female friends. Jealousy much?
-Either you know her friends or she knows yours.
-If you have any significance to her whatsoever, she's going to have an uncanny ability to remember little things you've said/done.
-She finds excuses to talk or be around you. This goes beyond holding a conversation... It's more like small talk.

Female snailosaurus: Does your leaf taste good?
Male snailosaurus: Uh, yeah. Why do you care?

Stupid male snailosaurus. What a conversation killer, those one word replies won't make the cut. And whatever you do, DO NOT BLOW OFF AN ATTRACTIVE FEMALE snailosaurus like that by asking her why she gives a crap. They will not know what to say, and not only that, they will think the male has no interest in them.
Which is probably true, but it hurts their egos, so don't do it. You hurt one female ego, she'll tell all her friends, and they will hate you too. These snailosauri are catty by nature. If you keep blowing her off, she will eventually lose interest and move on- Some females have been known to lose interest after years, some over hours.

For the defense of the male snailosaurus, that leaf question really was quite stupid on her part, but fools in love do crazy things. And that leads me to male mating calls... Which I know almost nothing of, besides the infamous rawr. So now that I've helped out any guys reading this, you could courteously post a comment and return the favor, hint hint.
But one thing is for sure- If a male snailosaurus stops in the middle of an intense hunt to talk to a female, he loves her. "Intense hunt" translates to "xbox" or "last 10 seconds of superbowl".

My next post will be about grease. More specifically, Grease the Musical, which I am auditioning for tomorrow! Check back soon, I rawr you all.

(Thank you Alena, for letting me constantly joke about Germans. Haha. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I kid, I kid. I also thank google for having so many results for the search "signs she likes you". Yes, I'm straight. No, it's not easy putting together a list of flirtation devices.)

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Carnivorous Snailosaurus, likee ehmagawdd

Snail Peeve #1? Wordstretching.

Wordstretching: The actt of typingg likee this. ehmagawdd. Faabulouss!
(I should put that up on urbandictionary.)

I mean, wtf?!
I first realized that other people notice this too, one day after drama practice, when I was backstage with Alac, Mylinh, Brett, and Juno. I'm not sure if it bugs the heck out of them, but it certainly bugs me.

Alac: Dude, a lot of people from KJH text so weird. They always add an extra letterr to the endd of theirr words. Who actually talks like-e-e-e that-tuh-tuh-tuh?

Fyi, Lady Gaga. Ppppoker face. Jjust ddance. Rrrromance. Pppparazzi.
But we all love her because her songs are so catchy.
However, half the teenage female population is not supposed to follow in her footsteps, then we would all dance around with no pants on... Oh wait, we already do that.
ANYWHO. I think people should be forced to talk like they type. In the privacy of your own room, please say this sentence out loud (Yes, guys too!):

Ohemgee you girliess arre toooo cutee! Hahaa. We soo needd to hangggg outt sometimee, I loverrss youuuuuuu! (Crank that Soulja boy, YOUUUUU!)

It doesn't make you sound cute. To put it bluntly, it makes you sound stupid.
I'll have to give a point to the male population, I swear I've never heard a single guy wordstretch on a regular basis. Might I ask, doesn't it take longer to type like that, pausing and adding a random letter to the end of each word? Or does it just come naturally? Girls that are prone to wordstretching usually flock together, probably because they're the only ones that can understand each other... literally.
Of course, I confess to committing the occassional wordstretch crime. But it's usually for words that I would actually exaggerate- Try saying these:

Ooookay?
Sooo...
Craaapp.
Whaaaaat?!
Ooh, shiinyy.
And the greatest of all...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Those make sense, it's for emphasis, people!

And one more thing- A number of my friends actually do this. Haha. So really, no offense (or as least as you can possibly take) to you guys, you're all wonderful people... Just, please, don't wordstretch every other word.
My rant is now closing to an end. This was a very random post indeed, but it's just one of those things you've always wanted to announce to the public. My next post? About Snailosaurus mating calls. Lmao. Yes, mating calls... you know you want to read it.

(Thanks Alac, plus Mylinh/Brett/Juno)

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Origin of the Snailosaurus

I promised on my most recent post that I would get to what Snailosaurus is, so here I am, your humble blogger, ready to expand my knowledge of the snailosaurus.
A snailosaurus is a prehistoric animal, and was named after its physical features. The body is similar to the shell of a snail, and its elongated neck is like the brontosaurus'. It has four legs, but its toes are like the slimy part of the bottom of a slug, and it slithers upon the ground.
The diet of the snailosaurus consists mostly of plants, but when agitated, the snailosaurus can devour more flesh than the average carnivore. Thus it is an omnivore.
Scientists are not really sure how the first snailosaurus was bred, but by popular belief, it is suggested that a snail and a brontosaurus who loved each other very much...
forrrrbidden loove.
Or it might just be a figment of Yena's imagination.
Yeah, as attractive as the forbidden love theory sounds, most people agree with the latter.
Now, you might ask, why does the snailosaurus have any significance? To tell you the truth, it doesn't. While everyone else got puntos, I got bored. During spanish class. So I let my mind wander off, and honestly I don't know what I was thinking when my mind gave birth to a snail/dinosaur hybrid, but somehow a sketch transferred onto my spanish vocab sheet
and VOILA.
Yesterday my blog started up, and even the most inexperienced blogger knows that a blog needs a creative title. It deserves something more eyecatching than "Yena's Blog", I thought about using that title for about 10 seconds and then decided against it.
So the more I overthought about the snailosaurus, the more I overliked it. This might sound weird, but the snailosaurus is quite humanlike. It looks different from any other type of animal/insect/oddball species. It has its own strength because it's so big, but it also has its weaknesses, like everyone else.

Flashback to spanish class!
Yena: Look at this!
Hugh: ...What's that?
Yena: A snailosaurus. Combination of a snail and a brontosaurus, or whatever those long neck dinosaurs are called.
Hugh: Well, it would probably become extinct quickly, because of its snail legs it would be really slow and easy to catch, but the predator would have a lot to feast upon.
Yena: Ugh. Good point.

-.- Gee, thanks for bringing me back to reality. Crush my happy fantasies and tell me that my babies are gonna get eaten and die out. Thanks Hugh, thanks.
Naw, just kidding. :P
What Hugh said got me off on another train of thought. Maybe its strength, aka the size, could also be its weakness. It's just unable to hide it. And as teens, sometimes we wish we could curl up in our shells by putting on our headphones and hoping parents get the message that we are opposed to the idea of carrying on a conversation.
They don't.

Parents: Blahblahblahblah-
Teen: (Thinking) I HAVE MY HEADPHONES IN, I CAN'T AND DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU! Although I can. I'm just pretending not to hear you.

My point is, this blog is meant for people under the age of maturity, because anyone over it won't understand what it's like for students to purposely zone out during class. So all in all, if you came to this blog looking for organized thoughts, controlled emotions, and serious discussions, please, for the sake of your sanity (And mine), please exit in an orderly fashion. However, if you're expecting the opposite... check back soon :)
My nextt blogg postt topic is a secrett, butt youu can gett a cluee by examiningg this sentencee. Hahaa. And look out- Snailosaurus is gonna go carnivore.

(Thanks Hugh, for letting me quote you without your permission. And parents.)

Introduction to the Snailosaurus

As Senora Ditolla would say, "Puntos!" Puntos para you coming here to read this. :)
First post of the year!
Actually, first post of my life. Let me tell you why I just started blogging, it's basically for 3 main reasons:

1. New Years' Resolution. Everyone finding something to resolutionize about, and I made this epic video about my resolutions, but then I somehow deleted it. I'm about as technology illiterate as a blind person is literally illiterate. No offense to any of you blind people reading this. :P
So, anyways, this year one of my resolutions is to write in my diary daily. Yeah, you might think, "WTF? Yena? Writing out her 'feelings' in a diary?"

Yena: John, can you imagine me writing in a diary daily about my "feelings"?
John: No.

XD
But I do! I started 2 weeks ago, I'm well on my way to 50 pages, and I decided that I felt stupid just sitting there and talking about my feelings to myself. So why not talk about them to other people, and what better way to do that than through a WEB LOG? (The official term for "Blog")

2. Facebook stati

You: Uh... What's a sta-
Robert: Plural form of status.

Vocab of the day, everyone. Now for the real question, how exactly do facebook stati inspire oneself to create a blog? Well, personally, I'm a bit addicted to facebook. Mkay, more than a bit. But one thing I have learned are facebook rules of status updating ettiquette, and these I have learned from experience (and reading articles online).

Ettiquette rule number one- Don't update your status more than 3 times a day. Really. You don't even do that many interesting things a day that the world needs to hear about, try to keep it at an average of 1-2 stati a day or you'll end up clogging some newsfeeds. It looks like you have no life if you're that guy who spends more time on facebook talking about the stuff he's doing, rather than the stuff he actually does. 7 stati a day? I'm pretty sure I've done that.
Yes, that's way too much, yes, I regret it.

Ettiquette rule number two- You want to get your status liked and commented on? Then make it funny. If you want your status to catch someone's eye, you can't say "Happy New Years" on New Years' Eve, along with 150 of your friends who said that before you. Of course, it's always nice to be wished a happy new year, I'm not saying you shouldn't say that. :) But just try to say it in a way that's creative, and no, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" is not any more creative than "Happy New Year".

Ettiquette rule numero tres-
Focus. Focus, focus, focus on one specific event that happened, don't write an essay about everything you did throughout the day, hoping that everyone will be interested in your life. And don't piss and moan about an unimportant event like, "My pencil broke". That might cause you some trauma, and even though that sounds like a really emotional experience... The rest of the world doesn't agree. ;/ Oh, cruel fate.
And don't be that chick who goes "Slept in today, felt good. Ate burritos for lunch. Biked a mile and took a cold shower. Did some homework, I hate math equations. Listened to music, relaxed. Eating dinner now, watching tv, then I'm going to bed." Well, you know what? NOBODY CARES IF YOU ATE A FREAKING BURRITO FOR LUNCH! We all take showers (Or so I hope). We all hate math equations (Or so I hope). The world does not need to or want to know about it!

After I realized these 3 unspoken laws, I started writing better stati. Soon enough, almost all of them were getting liked or commented upon, and often times people I barely knew would come up to me in person and tell me how my stati always brightened up their day. Then I figured that a blog is kind of like an extended facebook status... So I made a bet with myself that if my status could have wit, my blog would too.

3. Last but not least- Pauline! I never really cared about blogs until Pauline reminded me of their existence, and hey, I thought it was a cool idea. So I'm hoping I'm doing you a favor by posting this link up... Although I doubt many people will ever read my blog, maybe yours could gain some internet sensacionalistic fame through it. :) http://todossechimen.blogspot.com/ Everyone, check out Pauline's blog! Oh, and thank you John and Robert, for letting me quote you without your permission. And, uh, Senora Ditolla.

Now that I've explained the WHY, my next post will be about the WHAT. WHAT my blog is about. WHAT audience this is intended for. And WHAT you've probably been wondering- WHAT the heck is a Snailosaurus?!